“I realized the hard part wasn't telling people, it was the lonely, dark place I put myself in.”ĭon't get me wrong - having supportive teammates meant the world to me, but it didn’t help with my confidence or being comfortable with myself. When I transferred to Chapman for my second year of college, I came out to my teammates there more quickly than at Villanova, and was greeted with the same response: nothing but love. Everyone was supportive and later on in the year two of my other teammates ended up coming out as well. I started by telling my small group of close swim friends and then let the word spread to the rest of the team. As much as I tried to hide my boyfriend during freshman year from my teammates, it was inevitable they were going to find out. My freshman year of college at Villanova, I told myself, “it's four years, just fake it” because now that I was a Division I swimmer I really thought I couldn’t be out. I was afraid of telling my teammates that I was gay because I feared they would look at me differently or my guy friends would distance themselves. At the same time swim practice meant lying to my coach and teammates - the people I called my family. I would consistently use training as an excuse to not date. I dated a few girls, but never anything too serious. Swimming was my outlet, my distraction and my excuse. On top of everything else I was a competitive swimmer, a sport known for being “more gay” because my uniform was a tiny piece of fabric just large enough to cover “my stuff” and I went to a private, Catholic high school. High school was four years of confusion, depression, anxiety and all other emotions you feel when you’re hiding who you are every day. I was always good at hiding my emotions and pushing my feelings deep inside, so I had no problem hiding that I was gay until high school. A difference that was hard to comprehend because I grew up being taught that men were essentially programmed to marry women and that is how the world works. I always knew there was something different about me from my friends. Growing up in Trabuco Canyon, in Orange County, Calif., going to church on Sunday and having chapel twice a week at my elementary and middle school definitely was a challenge. He went there hoping to swim, but an injury cut short his career.īefore we tell you the story of how two gay swimmers helped each other come out, we want to share some background about each of us. Josh Velasquez attends the University of Arizona. We wanted to share our stories.Īxel Reed, will graduate this spring from Chapman University in Orange County, Calif., where he was a swimmer. We don’t know where each of us would be without the other.
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